


What if

by angelwishes



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Ed is a savage, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Jealous Roy, Light Romance, Parental Roy Mustang, Royai - Freeform, parental! RoyEd, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-06-03 00:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19452313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelwishes/pseuds/angelwishes
Summary: One evening, Roy discovers his Lieutenant dining out with another man. He begins to dwell on how different her life would've been if they simply never met.





	1. Chapter 1

“So, what did Colonel Mustang say?” Alphonse questioned when his older brother made it back to their dorm room.

Edward flopped onto the couch, “I forgot to ask ‘cause he wasn’t even in the damn office when I got there,” he replied and raised his head slightly, “And guess what? I fell asleep while I was waiting and Lieutenant Hawkeye walked in! I probably looked like such an idiot…” he groaned. 

Al sighed at his brother’s melodramatic whining, “I doubt they really mind, Ed, but since you insist on not going back there, you can always just call Colonel Mustang through the phone.”

The teen waved his hand dismissively in the air, “Nah. I’d rather not talk to that bastard now that I think about it. He’d probably just talk about how ridiculous I am. Why did I even bother going to ask him? I’ll just buy the damn gift myself...” he mumbled. 

“Okay… if you say so, brother...”

Lieutenant Colonel Hughes’ birthday was coming up within the next few days and he had been thoughtful enough to invite the two brothers to celebrate the occasion. Ed still had no idea what to give the man as a gift, hence why he thought it would be a good idea to get Mustang’s advice. He knew Hughes could care less about what he brought him, but he wanted to get something nice for him as a token of appreciation. After all, the man and his family have done nothing but shower he and his brother, as well as many others, with unconditional love and kindness—the least he could do was return the favor. 

Al had suggested using alchemy to make the gift, since he could just transmute whatever he wanted, but after learning Mustang would be attending the party as well, that plan was tossed right out the window. There was absolutely no way he was going to risk getting teased by the bastard about his crappy transmuted gift. Tonight, he decided he’d just have to take a look at the local shopping malls himself and try to figure something out. 

*****

Hawkeye made sure to keep the team busy now that Colonel Mustang wasn’t here to distract them. The office was significantly more productive than usual, which was good because she would be able to go home earlier today and _actually_ get the chance to use her night productively, namely finishing that book she had started a while ago but never found the time to finish. 

Meanwhile, Havoc looked up from his paperwork to ogle at a secretary walking by, though it only lasted a few seconds before Riza’s scrutinizing glares forced him to refocus on his documents. She merely sighed at his lack of concentration and thought about how easily distracted the men could get if she wasn’t constantly keeping an eye on them. She had to treat them like little boys who couldn’t keep their attention on one thing at a time. It was truly a miracle they were still able to hand in work on time. 

Having finished her third cup of coffee for the day, she got up from her seat to pour herself another until a familiar voice caught her attention. She directed her gaze towards the voice and much to her surprise, the man was an old friend from military academy. He was previously stationed in the west and had made it to the rank of Major before retiring to pursue another career.

In the years they had been separated, she noticed that his appearance had changed quite a bit, as he was much more buff than she remembered, but still handsome and well-mannered nonetheless. It was good to see that he was doing well.

He gave her a cheeky grin and saluted playfully. “Riza, it’s been a while!” he greeted near the doorway. “I apologize for interrupting you while you’re working, but I thought I’d pay a visit.”

She shook her head and smiled, “No, it’s quite alright, William. I was about to go on break in a minute anyway.”

Black Hayate pawed at William’s leg, seemingly curious about the new friend of his master. The brown-haired man bent down to stroke the dog’s fur, “A dog, huh? I didn’t know they allowed pets in here.” 

Riza chuckled, “They usually don’t. He’s military-trained though.” 

“Oh, I see,” he replied distractedly, rubbing the dog’s head. The dog yipped pleasantly at his touch. “Good boy. What’s his name?” 

“Black Hayate,” she answered flatly.

“Still no naming sense, huh?” 

Fuery and the rest of the men watched in awe at their interaction, clearly in disbelief that Hawkeye could be sociable when she wanted to be. Havoc often found himself wondering if she was even human and _this_ seemed to prove she was. Whether that was a good thing or not—he wasn’t sure. 

William stood up and took a deep breath, reminding himself of the real reason he came to visit. “Say, Riza… I was wondering if you’d like to go out for dinner sometime?” he whispered to ensure the privacy of his words. “Ideally tonight, if possible, but it’s fine if you can’t make it. We can always arrange another day.”

“No, I’m not busy tonight,” she reassured him. “It would be nice to reconnect with a friend once in a while.” 

He nodded and flashed her a bright smile, “I’ll come pick you up around 19:30 hours, that fine with you?” he questioned, looking as if he had won the lottery.

“Yes, of course.”

He beamed as she handed him a small piece of paper with her address written on it. “I’ll see you then,” he waved. 

She waved back and watched him leave through the exit. As soon as she turned around, the men began bombarding her with questions.

“Woah, I didn’t know you had a guy, Hawkeye,” came Havoc’s voice. “How come no one told me?” 

She laughed slightly, “He’s not, Havoc. He’s just an old friend.” 

“Isn’t that what they always say in movies?” Fuery inquired, pushing up his glasses. “And then it turns out to be a lie in the end.”

“That’s not it, Fuery, I assure you,” she stated, making sure the expression on her face remained unreadable. He had been watching too many romance films, she could tell. 

“Well it sure didn’t seem that way,” Breda commented, smirking. “I think you should date the guy. He seems like a respectable fella.” 

“I don’t have time to commit to a relationship,” she answered. That was partially true, but it still pained her slightly to admit.

Ever since she was a child, she never really had anyone she could look up to for guidance and protection; it would definitely be wonderful to have someone she could call her lover, someone she could trust and go to for comfort, but now wasn’t the time or the place to get sidetracked by such trivial matters. She and the Colonel had a goal to reach and that would always be her priority, nothing could ever change that.

She had learned, long ago, to shove every emotion she ever felt down her throat in order to keep herself from straying too far from the path she chose as punishment. The atrocities she had committed in Ishval forever served as a reminder of her sins, of how she could never deserve to be happy, of how she had no time to be selfish.

Someone like her didn’t deserve a fulfilling life after what she’d done. Following Roy had been the only way she could redeem herself, even if it wasn’t fully. Her fate had been sealed for quite some time already, not that she complained, something was better than nothing, right?

She shut her eyes and let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she had been holding, “Now back to work, boys. We have a lot to finish.”

“Yes, ma’am,” they responded groggily. 

It wasn’t long until a certain raven-haired Colonel decided to show up, extremely late at that. He casually slid into the room and sat at his desk, waiting for the team’s usual greetings to come, but shockingly, there was nothing. He looked up from the table only to see every one of his subordinates staring at him with squinted eyes, Hawkeye as an exception. She simply placed a cup of coffee on his desk and moved to her own, continuing the pile of paperwork she had been doing since early morning. 

Roy furrowed his eyes in confusion, “What?” he snapped at his men, somewhat annoyed. 

The ones who didn’t dare challenge his gaze looked away without a word, so Havoc took it upon himself to speak up for them. 

“Late as usual, eh, boss? You better be thanking us for finishing a quarter of your paperwork,” the second lieutenant snickered, patently amused at the situation. “I was thinking about staying home because of the weather.”

The Colonel resisted the urge to roll his eyes, “Yeah, well, it’s not my fault I was tired,” he uttered, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“What? Tired?! How do you complain when you’re getting the best girls in Central?! I’d stay up any day to be with beautiful women!” Havoc sobbed. “It’s not fair!” 

Mustang shrugged, “They don’t really interest me all that much.”

*****

Evening soon approached and Riza was getting ready to leave for the day. She felt decently excited about the dinner she would be having with William tonight as she packed her things, a small smile present on her lips. There was much she wanted to ask him.

Glimpsing out the window, she saw that it was still snowing, though not as badly as earlier. That meant she could walk home instead of driving, which she preferred. Winter had always been her favorite time of the year.

Just as she was about to leave the office, she grabbed an umbrella and threw on her coat, glancing at the clock. It was barely 18:30 hours, yet the sky was completely consumed by darkness. 

Fuery cocked his head to the side, “Leaving already, Lieutenant?”

She nodded, “Yes, I’ll be leaving a bit earlier today. Tell the Colonel for me when he comes back and make sure he finishes his paperwork before leaving.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the young sergeant saluted and she was off in a flash, Hayate disappearing with her behind the door.

A few minutes had gone by and Roy returned from the bathroom. He noticed that Riza’s desk had been cleared and her coat hanging from the rack was gone, meaning that she had left already. Knowing the woman, she never left this early unless it was an emergency.

“What happened to the Lieutenant?” he couldn’t help but ask, a hint of worry apparent in his voice.

“Oh, she left early for dinner or something,” Havoc responded before the sergeant had a chance to answer.

 _Dinner?_ he wondered briefly. There was a good chance it was probably Rebecca who invited her out, but he couldn’t really tell. It was strange enough that she accepted such an offer on a Monday night. She usually only agreed to stay outside after work on Fridays, and being the overprotective man he was, a mixture of curiosity and uneasiness began gnawing away at his insides. Who was so important that she took time out of her busy schedule to spend the evening with?

Pouting when he couldn’t come up with an explanation, a newfound sense of determination suddenly hit him; he would finish his paperwork as quickly as he possibly could and go for a much needed walk to clear his mind. 

Now he wasn’t very fond of snow due to its resemblance to rain, but it was better than sitting in this stuffy office filled with the repulsive stench of sweat. The heaters had also been turned up way too high for comfort, nearly suffocating everyone in Headquarters, including himself.

It took about an hour and a half until he finally managed to complete the humongous stack of work papers piled up on the table. The Colonel stretched and let out a yawn, mentally giving himself a pat on the back for finishing work earlier than usual. He had no idea what drove him to get the task done so vigorously, but he was glad that was over with. 

After one last check to make sure he didn’t forget anything, he reached for the keys in his pocket and put on his trench coat before heading out the door, making sure to lock it since he was the last person to leave. Everyone else had left first because the weather was expected to worsen throughout the course of the evening. He sighed and pushed through the double doors leading outside, immediately enveloped by the frigid winter air, causing all the hairs on his body to stand. Stuffing his hands into his pockets for warmth, he trudged through the snow and continued downtown.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to the juicy parts today! I’ve been really excited to write this part for a while haha. I also want to apologize for the super late update since I had a lot of personal issues to deal with first before I felt like writing again. Thanks for your patience!

Embellishments dangled from the rooftops, illuminating the city, as Edward strolled through the streets of Central, occasionally lifting his head to admire the snowy scenery. The roads were piled in blankets of snow and a brightly lit Christmas tree stood in the center of the square, despite being the 2nd of November. A jazz band played holiday music near the corner store, throwing him back to the days of Resembool. Christmas had always been worthy of excitement back then. He remembered helping Al and Winry bake several batches of chocolate chip cookies all so they could catch Santa Claus. He wasn’t exactly a believer of that kinda stuff, but other aspects of Christmas made him brim with excitement.

Yawning, he returned his attention to the pointless conversations strangers were having as they passed him. He could only hope he blended in with the mess of people on the street, though that was unlikely, considering the flashiness of his signature maroon-colored coat, leather pants, leather boots (what others liked to call ‘terrible sense of fashion’), and well, short stature. In other words, he was hard to miss, even with the overwhelming amount of people in the area.

He then looked around suspiciously, making sure he wouldn’t run into anyone - particularly people from HQ - and continued down the block, where numerous men’s shops caught his attention. He gulped down the last of his hot dog, eyes wide with fascination at the shimmery accessories displayed inside the store. Luminous amber lights surrounding the glass pane lit up the contents within, increasing the shop’s overall attractiveness to customers. He wrinkled his nose and pressed his face up against the window, tilting his head to get a better view of the items. A navy blue tuxedo stood out amongst the collection of clothing and seemed convincing enough for Edward to purchase as a gift. He could very well picture Hughes in such an attire, elegant and all, but it resembled the Amestrian military uniform too much for his liking. Maybe he could get the pink one instead? 

Unfortunately for the boy, the idea was disregarded immediately when he read the price tag: 50,000 cens and it was on sale! Refusing to give up, he thoroughly examined the other goods in front of him before noticing a silver medium-sized watch with gold hands. The covering reflected off the ceiling, revealing his reflection as he peered down at it. Perfect. 

But the little smile spreading across his features faltered shortly after spotting an oddly familiar man standing directly across from him, separated only by a glass window. The corners of Ed’s mouth twitched in an unsightly manner as soon as he realized who it was. He happened to be staring at the same exact watch Ed planned to buy. Running gloved hands across his face, he groaned upon seeing the Colonel here of all places. Why, was the first word that crept into his mind. Just how bad was his luck today? Surely he had jinxed himself earlier. 

Mustang looked up to see a fish- no that wasn’t a fish. That was his youngest subordinate, Edward Elric, with his face squished up against the glass for some unknown reason. Oh, how he wished he had a camera right about now. He’d gladly snap a picture and hang it up on the wall of his office for everyone to see. Perhaps he could even donate it to an art gallery. Stifling a chuckle, the older man exited the shop.

“Fullmetal,” he greeted with a smirk, causing the boy to flinch. 

“...What the hell do you want, bastard?” Ed answered half heartedly, feeling all the life getting sucked out of him. Conversing with him was both mentally and physically draining.

Roy crossed his arms, “Didn’t expect to see _you_ here is all,” he stated with a smirk. “And is that really a polite way to greet your superior, Fullmetal?” 

The teen sighed dramatically, “My _god_ , Mustang, I’m losing all my brain cells,” he groaned, running his hands through his hair. 

“Oh?” Mustang raised his eyebrows in amusement. Two could play this game. “Why is that? Am I too much for your little brain to handle?” 

“I’M NOT LITTLE, YOU JERK!!!!” he fumed, earning some weird glances. “AT LEAST I HAVE A BRAIN! YOURS IS NON-EXISTENT!” 

The older man sighed, “Lower your voice, Edward. I have a reputation to withhold,” he shushed him, forcing down a migraine. “I can’t be taken seriously if I’m caught outside with a screaming blonde midget.” 

“WHY YOU ASS-“

“Are you going to explain what you’re doing out here so late?” Mustang interrupted, diverting the subject before the boy could start one of his short rants.

Ed didn’t seem to realize the diversion and huffed, “That’s none of your business.”

“I was also informed that you had visited the office early in the morning. Seemed like you had something to tell me. Is that correct?” he inquired.

“You weren’t even there to begin with so it doesn’t really matter,” Ed responded with a shrug. 

The Colonel narrowed his eyes, “Fullmetal.”

“Okay, okay!” Ed squeaked, giving in to the man’s silent fury. “I was just going to ask you what Hughes likes… you know, because his birthday is coming up and all? It’s not that important,” he explained awkwardly, moving his arms in a somewhat exaggerated fashion.

Roy’s expression softened into a smile. He admired the kid’s desire to ensure he gave back to those who cared for him. Sure, he might come across as hard headed, stubborn, and generally not the most friendly person to be around, but there was a level of veneration and appreciation - or perhaps both - that was shared among those closest to him. Hughes was almost like a second father to the Elric brothers, which explained why they cared for him as much as he did for them.

Most of the time Ed brushed it off or flat out denied it, but there was a special kind of bond between the two brothers and his best friend he could only hope to achieve. 

“I almost forgot!” Ed exclaimed, shaking him from his thoughts. “Al told me to buy some potatoes. He wanted to try making stew or something,” he pointed towards the grocery store across the street. “I’ll see ya later, or better yet, _never_.”

Roy opened his mouth to answer as the boy turned to leave, that was, until he heard his adjutant’s name. The fact it came from another man (one he wasn’t acquainted with) completely threw him off. Out of curiosity, and to confirm he wasn’t hallucinating, he turned his head towards the direction of the voice, stunned to see that it was indeed Lieutenant Hawkeye.

Somehow she had been too preoccupied to notice him standing a few feet away from her with his mouth hung wide open. She looked incredibly stunning in that black v-necked dress with a long overcoat reaching past her knees and a white scarf tucked around her neck. Rarely did ever see her dressed like that, minus any undercover missions or formal parties.

Everything about Riza tonight contradicted with her very character. The Riza he knew disliked over-the-top garments and extravagant eatery, and he had been flabbergasted to find the exact opposite. She appeared to be alongside some slick chestnut-haired gentleman who was far too handsome for his liking. If he hadn’t known any better, he could’ve mistaken them for a couple.

Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, he moved towards the window of the restaurant, keeping his eyes on Riza’s supposed “date.” He watched silently as the two settled down at a beautifully decorated table and spoke with their waiter. Riza seemed genuinely happy in the man’s presence and their interactions implied much more than simply friendship. The way she laughed wholeheartedly at his jokes, the way his fingers brushed against hers, they seemed like the perfect pair. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t envious in the slightest.

But it was much much more than simply just envy. Oh no, it was a bunch of emotions mixed together, all trying to force their way out at once. There was hurt. There was confusion. Who the hell was this man and why hadn’t he seen him before? Did Riza have feelings for him? How close were they?

This whole time… had they been together without him knowing? Did Riza keep it from him, knowing that he’d shatter at the very thought of her being with another man? Why? What was he doing wrong? How could that man make her smile so effortlessly while all he seemed to do was make her upset?

He hadn’t even met the man, but he hated everything about him so damn much. He hated how he looked at her, hated how he made her smile, hated how he held her hand, hated how he blushed at the very sight of her. 

Roy stopped, taken aback by his own words. No, that was wrong. He didn’t have the right to dictate her life. Riza deserved to do whatever she wanted. It’s not like they were involved in any romantic relationship with each other. She could choose who she wanted to be with and it didn’t have to be him. 

Did he ever stop to think about how different Riza’s life could have been if he never met her? 

His pathetic ambitions wouldn’t have sparked her desire to join the military and she would have been living a normal life like any other woman her age, not some sniper capable of killing thousands of innocent people. Nightmares of the Ishvalan war wouldn’t plague her every night as she tried to sleep. She could have been married and started her own family already for all he knew. Much of her burdens wouldn’t have existed if he simply never held the desire of becoming an alchemist. He was like an evil omen, spreading misfortune wherever he went, and that unlucky place just happened to be the Hawkeye household. 

As much as Roy wished to remain by her side, her opportunity for happiness in this cruel world was something he could never take away. If that man could elicit such a breathtaking smile from her, then he deserved to be with her. 

“Hey...” 

Mustang stuffed his hands back into his coat pocket and shuffled his feet at the sound of Fullmetal’s voice. The bangs of his messy hair fell over his eyes and cast a small shadow, hiding the expression on his face.

Edward appeared to have finished buying the groceries he needed, given the plastic bags clasped in his right hand. He had seen the man gazing at the diner like a lost puppy longing for its owner. 

What was he staring at? 

He glanced at the window and sure enough, a blonde woman who looked exactly like Lieutenant Hawkeye happened to be dining with another man. Things seemed to be running smoothly between them. 

“Why are you still here, Fullmetal?” the Colonel finally asked, moving away from the diner. “I thought you went back already.” 

Ed thought it best not to bring up Lieutenant Hawkeye and went along with the conversation, “I can’t. I still need to get the gift remember?” he replied, glimpsing back at the restaurant as they walked further down. 

“I doubt Hughes really cares whether or not you buy him anything.”

“I know but I wanna.”

There was silence. 

“...Hey, Ed?”

“What?” 

“Do you… ever imagine how things could have been for you and your brother if I… never recruited you?” 

Ed looked up at him, “Good question actually. If you hadn’t recruited me, I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of seeing your ugly face everyday,” he said and grinned, waiting for some snarky remark from the Colonel. When there was nothing, a feeling of guilt brewed within his stomach. So he was being serious...

“...What I meant to say is…” he corrected, forcing down his childish pride for once. “I have, sometimes, but it’s not like I regret joining the military. It was the only way I could get access to things that would help me get Al’s body back. I would’ve joined the military either way, even if you weren’t the one who recruited me. You just made the process easier… and I know I always talk about how much of a bastard you are but… I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for Al and I. You kept our taboo a secret…” he fiddled with his gloves, “If I ended up under the command of someone else, who knows what could’ve happened to us? Those other damn officers would’ve tattled on us a long time ago for the sake of climbing the ranks. None of them give a damn about anything other than power...” 

Roy’s eyes widened, “I… didn’t know you thought of me that way…” 

Ed’s cheeks flushed, “Don’t get the wrong idea! You’re still a bastard… but quit blaming yourself for everything… I would’ve gone down the military route anyway. I chose to join and that was my own decision.”

Roy shut his eyes and chuckled, “I’m that obvious, is it?” he didn’t remove his gaze from the decorations surrounding the street lights, “Well I’m going to head back to my apartment. It’s getting late. I’ll see you tomorrow, Edward, and make sure to hand in your report on time.”

Of course, that was a lie. He wasn’t going home. He needed a drink. Badly. The conversation with Fullmetal lightened his mood significantly, but he just needed something that temporarily made him forget about today’s events. Thinking about them made his head throb. Normally he would’ve gone to Madame Christmas’s bar but she always stopped him from drinking too much, so he’d go to a different bar just for tonight. 

Ed couldn’t believe his ears. The Colonel was obviously upset over the Lieutenant, yet he wasn’t going to do anything about it? The fraternization laws be damned. Even someone as dense as him could see they had feelings for each other, and Roy’s pitiable state was driving him insane. 

“So you’re going to give up? Just like that?”

“What?” 

“You’re just gonna let her stay with that other guy?” 

Roy turned away, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Cut the crap already!” Ed snapped. “You really expect me to just stand by as you wallow in self-pity? We all know you’re going to stay this way for the rest of your life if you don’t do something about it.” 

Roy gritted his teeth, “Listen, Fullmetal. Don’t act like you understand me. I can’t afford to just do whatever I want like you can,” he said and hesitated for a moment, “She’s my subordinate, nothing more…” 

“Colonel...?” 

The boys stiffened. 

“Lieutenant…” Roy started, unsure of what to say. How much of their conversation had she heard? 

Ed took this as his cue to leave, explaining that he still had somewhere to go and shot Mustang a look that read ‘Just tell her or you’ll regret it’ before leaving them alone. 

_That damned brat…_ Roy thought, frowning. 

He quickly straightened himself, “Apologies, Lieutenant. I was just…” he shook his head, forcing a grin. “How did the date go?” 

“...It wasn’t a date, sir. He was just a friend from military academy,” she replied monotonously. “Nevermind that. I hope you finished all your paperwork, sir.”

He tittered, “Relax, Riza. I finished everything already. Do you really have such little faith in me? I’m a grown man too, you know.”

“You certainly don’t act like one, sir.” 

“How cold,” he professed, gesturing towards the buildings. “Here, I’ll walk you home.”

“That’s really not necessary-“

“I insist. Come on, Riza,” Roy grabbed her arm lightly, leading them ahead. “How often do we get a day to enjoy each other’s company without the men’s noisy bickering back at the office?” he pouted.

She sighed and gave in. He was right about that.

*****

The air became still as they rounded the corner, any noise coming from the square finally drowning away. Little snowflakes drifted over their heads and nothing else could be heard other than a few cars whisking by.

Roy had no choice but to focus on the small crunchy sounds his boots would make when he plodded through the snow - the trail of footprints left behind was satisfying to a certain degree, at least.

No words were exchanged between the two for a while, rather they embraced the silence that fell between them, taking it as a suitable opportunity to reflect on their thoughts. He didn’t know why, but Riza suddenly felt very distant, even though she was right next to him, and it wasn’t often he felt this way. Everyone close to them saw the connection they shared without ever having to communicate verbally.

Right now, he couldn’t read her at all and it frustrated him. 

“He didn’t offer to take you home?” Roy was first to break the silence. 

“No, sir. I told him it was fine for me to walk home by myself.” 

“I see…” 

She peered at him from the corner of her eye, “Is something the matter?” 

He smiled sheepishly and raked his fingers through his unkempt locks, “It’s stupid... but I was thinking... if you hadn’t met me, you would’ve been with that man, possibly living a happier life, isn’t that right?” he laughed morosely. “I guess I just don’t understand why you chose to follow me into the military... nothing good came out of it. I just ended up robbing you of your future, the life you could have lived, and failed to protect that innocent, beautiful smile of yours...” 

Riza stopped abruptly, slowly processing the words he just said to her and pursed her lips.

 _This again,_ she thought.

The feeling of deja vu suddenly washed over her body, reminding her of the nightmare Roy had gotten some time ago.

They had stayed on the phone the entire night when a panic attack hit him in the midst of his slumber, and she told him comforting words over and over until his anxiety lessened. She always knew he had a bad habit of putting the blame on himself for everything, even when he had nothing to do with it.

Numerous times he had questioned her if he was making the right decision, especially when it involved the two brothers. He constantly worried about their well-being and made sure to give them guidance whenever he could. People who didn’t see his true persona characterized him as merciless and menacing, for he was a soldier hardened by the horrors of warfare, but he was still only human. He still had emotions like everyone else did, and it wasn’t a surprise that he needed words of reassurance once in a while.

It warmed her heart to know he still came to her when he needed someone the most. 

She turned to face him, “You’re mistaken, Colonel. I told you once before… didn’t I? You gave me a reason to live, Roy... a goal to reach. When you told me about your dream, I thought it was wonderful because it meant happiness for everyone. It meant no more wars, no more fighting, and no more hatred. Yes, it was naïve to rely on my father’s research for that and we both know it, but it doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith that it could happen,” she spoke softly. 

He gripped his arm tightly, averting his eyes, “But I... took away any chances of you finding happiness and burdened you with my mistakes… You trusted me with your father’s research yet I… I abused them and killed so many innocent people…” his hands trembled as he continued, “How could you stand to stay with someone who betrayed your trust? I don’t deserve you, Lieutenant… I merely added to your pain… and here I was… jealous over some other man who could truly make you happy and give you the life you deserve…” he laughed darkly, “Pathetic, wouldn’t you agree?”

Without thinking, she cupped the sides of his cheeks and ran her thumb over his skin, caressing it. His eyes widened at the contact and he stood unmoving, dumbfounded by her ever-so-rare displays of physical affection. If it were some other woman, he wouldn't even bat an eye, yet with Riza, his whole facade of suaveness seemed to vanish into thin air. 

“...I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again... listen carefully, alright?” she whispered. “No matter what, I _will_ remain by your side, Roy, for as long as we live. You mean everything to me and that will never change.” 

Roy’s eyes couldn’t be any wider than they were now. Hearing everything from Riza like this made his heart flutter. 

Had she unintentionally stated she returned his feelings too?

He smiled warmly and leaned into her hand, shutting his eyes as a faint blush crept over his cheeks and put a hand over hers, “That sounded like a proposal to me.”

Her face had blossomed into a million shades of crimson, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Roy Mustang,” she huffed. 

He chuckled and pulled her into a tight embrace, nuzzling the crook of her neck before muttering, “Thank you, Riza.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Finally finished the story! Again, I deeply apologize for uploading the final chapter this late but I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I’ll see you around in my next batch of stories hopefully!


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